Something extraordinary has happened.
I don’t know how (and at the moment I don’t much care)
I am just so very grateful that it has
The how I will work out later
We had old friends come and stay
People I had known most of my life
And whilst they hadn’t been close they had always been there, in the background
I was showing them two photo books that my children had done for me
One for our 30th wedding anniversary (14 years ago)
and one for my 60th Birthday, photos of me with my grandchildren, messages and drawings from them
My friends were exclaiming how beautiful the photos were
How photogenic I was
How wonderful my children, their partners and my grandchildren are
What a beautiful family I had amassed around me
And as I say all the time, the lonely only child that I was has given her grandchildren what she so desperately wanted
People around to love and support her
I replied with ‘Oh, I hate looking at photos of me’.
There is one photo missing.
Only one of the 10 grandchildren that I am not holding the day they were born, I remember that day, remember when I said, ‘don’t take a photo of me, I look terrible’.
A hole in this document of my life because I was so concerned about how I looked rather than
me exclaiming my adoration of this new angel that had arrived in my life.
After the visitors left I sat alone and looked through those books
And this is where the extraordinary thing happened
As I looked at the photos I saw what they saw
I saw beautiful photos of a very happy person
A person who was sitting in so much joy with these angels that had come into her life
I saw photos of a beautiful person
(I will admit that I did notice tiny specks of food in my teeth in some!)
But for me Miss I Hate How I Look in Photos
Yesterday was a day that changed the way I saw myself
I think it had been coming for awhile
But yesterday I had arrived
I had complete acceptance for myself
I had finally found what I work with my clients to find
I could see that spark of the divine that was me