On the 11th June, Archer Robert Kenny, our new grandson was born. Interesting energy that this young soul has taken on. Archer is my maiden name and Robert is the name of his maternal grandfather and his paternal uncle (my eldest son). It has taken me awhile to get used to seeing it written down.
As I held him in my arms, and felt that grandmaternal rush (yes, I just made that word up, but I’m sure you understand exactly what it means) it sent me back in time twelve years to when I nursed my first grandchild, the son of my eldest child Robert.
What occurred to me last week after Archer’s birth and in the days that followed, was that I felt the same. The ‘rush’ was the same and the swelling of my heart was the same. How is that possible? How can you feel the same way about the tenth grandchild as you did about the first? How can you feel that connection when you haven’t given birth to them? How has my heart expanded to fit all ten of these beautiful angels …. and how can I feel the same way about each and every one of them?
Growing up as an only child, with no siblings and no cousins around, I didn’t have to compete for attention, there was no ‘love pot’ that had to be ‘divvied up’. And I can hear all the ‘well you must have been spoilt’ thoughts going on in your head. I was most definitely not spoilt ~ but that is another story entirely.
When I held my first grandchild on the day he was born, my heart was fit to burst such was the feeling that came over me the moment I laid eyes on him, he was the spitting image of his father. Then eighteen months later his sister came along and the feeling was the same. Two beautiful grandchildren, how wonderful. The only downside was that they lived in Melbourne and we lived in Sydney (then). Three years passed and we had two new angels born three months apart, and then another one ten months later.
I was a little wobbly there for awhile, a little overwhelmed and panicky. How was I going to spread myself around all these little people? How could I give each of them equal amounts of my time and my love? I had to sit with that for quite some time before I came to realise that indeed I could, it was going to be OK. I realised that my love for the first had not diminished as each subsequent one came along. My love for number 5 was not less than number 1. Then twelve months later number 6 joined the gang and the following year 7 & 8 arrived, four months apart. Three years later came number 9 and now two years later number 10.
Four children. Ten grandchildren! Wow! As I have said many times, I have created for my grandchildren what I so desperately wanted as a child. They have all these people who love them!
I have come to the realisation as I write this that the ‘love pot’, instead of being ‘divvied up’ in equal portions leaving the pot empty with no room for any others who come along, has expanded, and not just a little, it expanded and expanded and expanded …… infinitely.
When my Border Collie Jessie died at the age of sixteen. My heart felt as if it was broken (and if I’m being totally honest tears will still come when I think of her). There was a hole in my heart and a hole in my home. Because I work from home the absence of her presence was felt keenly. Time passed, we still had our cat Jack and I wanted another dog. How could I let another dog in, was there any love left to share, was I being ‘unfaithful’ to Jess, did it mean I loved her less?
As you have seen in various photos, a little toy poodle pup named Rosie came into our lives and completely captured my heart and filled our home with love. My heart swells when she gives me a cuddle. Yet I still get emotional when I think of how much I miss Jess. Love is an interesting thing. I have all these grandchildren and still there is room for me to love a dog.
How amazing is the human heart? Both physically for how it keeps on pumping without us giving it a moment’s thought, or thanks and, emotionally for how it can expand infinitely to allow more and more ‘people’ into our heart space. How does that happen? What is it that happens?
Obviously it is not our physical heart that loves. We get a sensation in our chests which we equate to love and have such sayings as my heart swells with love, my heart is full to overflowing, my heart is fit to burst…..
Is it that our capacity to love can just keep on increasing? The love I had for my first grandchild has not been diminished by the births of his seven cousins and two siblings. Nor has the love for my four children been diminished by the births of their children.
Is it possible that we can just keep on expanding our ‘love bucket’?
Is it possible that our capacity to love is not finite? That in fact it could continue to expand out to ‘infinity’?
I am by no stretch of the imagination a mathematician but even my brain thinks, after mulling this over, that it is indeed a possibility. I will not have hundreds more grandchildren to put this theory to the test!
Why do we not know or imagine that we can expand our ’embrace’. Is it that we are afraid? Do we need to personally know someone before we can love them? Is it possible to love complete strangers? Is it possible to love someone who is just ‘out there’, faceless and nameless?
I started this blog not knowing what I was going to write about, I knew I needed to write a blog so I was doing as a mentor of mine advises and I sat down to ‘just write’. As I sit here on this Sunday afternoon the musings that seemed like ramblings have now become crystal clear to me. I hope that this has been ‘food for thought’ for you and not just confused ramblings.
I know that when I go up in ThetaHealing® in a theta brainwave and connect with the Creator of All That Is, I have a feeling of expansion, a feeling of calm, of knowing and my heart does feel fit to burst, but not in a painful way. There is no difference between me and you, me and them, we are all one. It just is. From that space I can send out love to all humanity, all the animal kingdom, the entire population of the earth, the universe, the feeling just grows.
So thank you for staying the distance with me through this. Because the answer is profound. The answer is “No!” Our capacity to love is not finite ….. it is infinite. It is boundless. It can encompass all things.
I would love to know your thoughts on this and would love to hear of your experiences.